“Your business or your wife”
Gerhard came to St. Louis from Austria in the 1970s as a chef. He founded a stylish bistro with two partners in 1986, then—when that venture failed—opened his own Gerhard’s in 1990. By 2005 he had opened eight distinctive restaurants, with different names and distinct cuisines, all known for their style and dash. Six of those are still open and doing well, and venture partners are about to clone the most successful of them in Chicago, Kansas City, and Memphis.
In 1989, at the age of 40, Gerhard married 22-year-old Angela, an interior designer and socialite. She was instrumental in the business’s early years, providing some of the capital, managing the back office as well as designing decors. A staff took over most of Angela’s functions as their two daughters came along, and the business grew, but she retains the title and salary of Executive Vice President. “She doesn’t really interfere in decisions,” Gerhard tells me, “but she oversees our corporate bank account, which makes Stacey crazy, and insists on final approval of all interior designs. I don’t mind that, I always want her input, but I’ve had four designers quit because they can’t work with her. Just like Stacey, they’ve pretty much told me it’s her or them.”
Forty per cent of the stock in their holding company is in Angela’s name, forty per cent in Gerhard’s, the rest in the children’s trusts.
At 39, Angela is tall, tanned, tailored, and tasteful. I couldn’t restrain myself from admiring her full-length, russet fur: “How’d you find a coat to match your hair so perfectly?” She looked at me quizzically until I realized, of course, she’d matched the hair to the coat.
Angela’s refined eye and sharp tongue disguise an insecure, volatile woman. “He says I’m bossy, but he put me in charge of our life by default. He’s an artist—can’t express himself in words. He needed me, but now he’s rich and famous—which he deserves, because he’s brilliant—he makes changes at the office without telling me. He approves décor changes in the restaurants, too, and I don’t even know about it. He pulled the rug out from under me.”
Her principal complaint is Stacey, Gerhard’s most trusted and vital manager for seven years, who left her own husband’s firm (she pointedly tells me) “because it wasn’t good for our marriage.” Gerhard has assured Stacey that Angela doesn’t have authority to write company checks or even to look at the bank account. But he can’t tell Angela that he gave those instructions. Angela calls Stacey “high-handedly disrespectful,” and says Gerhard doesn’t have the guts to stick up for his wife. “I have to check the financial records because he hasn’t instituted adequate controls over Stacey.”
After interviewing the three of them as well as the firm’s principal project managers, it becomes clear that Angela has alienated all the managers. “My problem with her started the first month I was here,” one of them says, “when she explained that we came from different classes.”
The plain truth is that Gerhard did pull the rug out from under Angela, but is afraid to own up to it. The managers get the message: they should “put up with” Angela while ignoring her as much as possible.
Gerhard complains that Angela’s crying and shouting give him stomach cramps. The growth and fame of his brand name have put him under tremendous pressure—a big payroll, bank debt, a dozen projects to stay in touch with—while Angela spends every penny they draw. (Along with travel and three club memberships, she’s decorating two expensive homes: a showpiece town house and one on a lake.) But money isn’t what Angela wants. She misses being important to the business. Gerhard keeps telling her how important she is at home, but he isn’t there much, and when he is home he devotes his attention to the children. “The only place I can be his real partner is at the office.” She hasn’t uttered the ‘D’ word—yet—but Gerhard tells me the specter of losing Angela would kill him emotionally as well as financially. He is already devastated by her unhappiness.
How would you advise each of these owners?
copyright reserved 2006, Kaye Family Business Associates, Inc.
7 Comments:
It's amazing to me that Gerhad has been this successful without resolving the question of his wife's authority. Frankly, I'm surprised she hasn't left him, its eems like both of them are afraid to be assertive, so Stacy takes the initative.
I agree with you. I believe they genuinely adored each other -- but Gerhard, in trying not to hurt his wife's feelings by taking a strong stand about letting his managers do their jobs, wound up hurting her more as his wishy-washiness led her to continue making herself their enemy and continue distrusting Stacey.
Gerhard needs to concentrate on the marriage to develop leverage if he has any hope of Angela backing off from the business (or being able to stay married when he sets limits on her in the business). His being afraid of Angela is a big disadvantage-some relationship coaching could be helpful.
From the angle of couple and family therapy, I would want to tackle their attachment issues with each other. I'm hypothesizing that the business relations between the couple has become proxy for the marital bond. It is quite revealing that father spends time with children but not with wife--another big sign of an insecure marital bond.
I would definitely recommend couples therapy to reawaken the bond in marital intimacy before trying to sort out the business side. (EFT is an empirically supported treatment which I highly recommend: www.eft.ca)
Chances are, if the therapist can help them to relate with each other intimately, the business stuff should fall into place relatively harmoniously. And stemming from the case presented, business-wise, it would make sense to move towards the direction in which the wife can feel wanted and cherished by the husband through the relationship (not through the business), and when she feels safe enough with the relationship, then she will be more willing to let go of the business. Similarly, when the husband feels more secure with the wife, he can risk becoming more assertive.
A good couples therapist can do wonders--one who can stay with them and be a strong holding environment for their conflicts, to help them re-pattern their relationship conflict. But I would imagine it might take some time for therapy to work if their patterns are really rigidified.
There is a lot to know before pronouncing "solutions", but it sounds like they need to devote some time to corporate governance. In the absence of a board that has unrelated, independent, members who are competent in their own right, I believe making tough corporate decisions will become a greater problem. If they have commitees and function as a true board, then part of this will be solved based on sound business practices and judgment.
The need for counseling is probably very real, but until they have a "real" corporate board, committees with real responsibilities, and true authority, I believe they will struggle with the business of business. They are still operating like the corner mon & pop cafe but seem to be on the verge of becomeing a "player".
They have to do more than grow geographically--they have to grow as a business.
There is a lot to know before pronouncing "solutions", but it sounds like they need to devote some time to corporate governance. In the absence of a board that has unrelated, independent, members who are competent in their own right, I believe making tough corporate decisions will become a greater problem. If they have commitees and function as a true board, then part of this will be solved based on sound business practices and judgment.
The need for counseling is probably very real, but until they have a "real" corporate board, committees with real responsibilities, and true authority, I believe they will struggle with the business of business. They are still operating like the corner mon & pop cafe but seem to be on the verge of becoming a "player".
They have to do more than grow geographically--they have to grow as a business.
If Gerhard encouraged his wife to start her own business, and showed genuine interest and support of her in this endeavor, it might get him off the hook and get her involved elsewhere.
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